Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
