I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
