I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have aggressive nipples.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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