so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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