I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
