i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
