is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
