On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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