I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
