just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
