You just made me feel so damn special
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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