I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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