Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
