On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
