stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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