He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my being single is dangerous.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
