O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
