I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
