My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
