sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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