before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
