had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
