You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
