He kissed a someone with a penis
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
