you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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