theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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