i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
