It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
