What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
