I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
