i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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