It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
