Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
