We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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