She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
