Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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