Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
