I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I cut my penus on the lid.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
