I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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