he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
