I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
