tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
