if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
