You smell like a Billy Joel song
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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