he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
