the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
