It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
