the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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