just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
