You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
