And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
