am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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