This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can text with my tongue
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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