I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
