they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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