That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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